I kept saying, “The last six months or so,” or “Something switched in the spring.”
Or “I’ve been having a hard time.”
First I thought it was just the busyness of redesigning my website.
Then I thought it was the change in the weather, and the growing pains of parenting in a fishbowl.
I wondered if maybe I had discovered a introverted part of myself, one who was more anxious and removed.
I felt bereft of stability, lacking in stamina. Filled with confusion.
I thought I was better — I had been better — so maybe now was just a homeopathic dip, back into the morass, to learn more.
The learning was valuable, but there was also this stuck feeling.
Something was off.
And then I wondered, “Didn’t I start taking that new supplement last May?”
And now I’m off it.
Here’s the story:
Back in 2007 when I crashed and burned and got dizzy and a million infections, one thing that was happening was that I had no blood pressure, 70/40 or something like that, and my adrenals were shot. I began taking licorice root solid root extract, morning and afternoon.
I loved that stuff.
I took it for three years, and then I started to get dizzy again. My blood pressure was too high, which can be a side effect of licorice. It took awhile, but there I was.
So I stopped the licorice and started the new thing — last May.
It seemed fine.
(Except for that whole falling-apart thing.)
And then two weeks ago I ran out of the kinda-bad-for-me-but-I-didn’t-know-it-yet supplement and called to get a refill and they told me they didn’t have any.
That it wasn’t being made anymore.
So, it was time for a new new thing, and I went in to see my doctor.
I talked to her, a lot, because she is a doctor like that (a naturopath, treating the whole person and all), putting together the pieces of my body, my emotions, my patterns, my concerns… and she went about finding out what I needed.
She said, “You know, I am having this idea. What you’ve been on is a cortisol extender — it takes the cortisol in your system and gets more out of it. But maybe that’s not what you need anymore. Maybe what you need is rest.”
Can I even tell you how many of my Hakomi sessions end up with me discovering some inner part of me that is completely exhausted?
It’s okay to rest.
So now I am taking a supplement that basically tells my adrenals, “It is okay to rest.” And another yummy thing that helps irritation, and I’m wearing a beautiful black onyx necklace that turns my entire body into a big, relaxed breath.
Oh, I have been missing that breath.
To awake having rested, to rest while awake.
* * *
It’s not to say that the supplement turned me into a completely different person, someone Not-Me, not exactly.
The issues and patterns and feelings were not entirely unfamiliar, and I did learn and grow and connect. But it’s like now there is a clarity and energy, and most importantly, a sense of stability, that had been eluding me… since, well, last May.