Sweet Sky

This post is an excerpt from my free e-book Practicing Peace,
and is shared here as part of the Natural Parents Network How-to Blog Blitz.
Enjoy!

photo credit

Mindfulness is the miracle by which we
master and restore ourselves.
—Thich Nhat Hanh

Perhaps you’ve heard about how our brain works.

That when we’re triggered emotionally, we can be immediately thrown into our “reptilian” brain, which is all about fight, flight, or freeze.

That the prefrontal cortex (our “mammalian” brain) is the one that houses creativity, collaboration, awareness, and all that jazzy stuff I truly value as a parent and person.

I had no idea how much time as a parent I would spend acting like a lizard.

Luckily, it turns out that we can help evolve our brains right out of the muck into the light.

I can feel what it’s like to be in reptilian mode, and I can feel what it’s like to be in my prefrontal cortex.

I can also feel what it’s like when I am in both at once, and often that is what these mindfulness techniques help me accomplish: to rest in my mind while observing and feeling my responses rather than acting them out. 

A disclaimer  I am not an expert on mindfulness or meditation or the reptiles and mammals living in our brains. This is just my personal interpretation of information that is out there, and all that follows is my personal experience.

Here are some of the ways I bring mindfulness into my days …

Markers

I learned this in my introduction to meditation course.

Choose a simple activity you do every day and use it as a “marker.”

Activities might be brushing your teeth, putting the key in the ignition, opening the fridge, picking up the phone, turning on the tea kettle, hearing your child say your name, etc.

Every time I began my chosen activity, I took a moment to relax my belly, perhaps closed my eyes, and took a few breaths.

I brought my attention to the task.

If I was opening the door, I brought my attention to the feel of the handle in my hand.

If it was my child saying “mama,” I brought my attention to the sound of his voice or to what I was feeling in my body.

I tried to stay for three breaths.

Then, I made an intention to carry that presence forward with me while I completed the task or moved on to something else.

My teacher’s suggestion was to choose one activity a week, and then add another one in each following week for six weeks. Bit by bit, it adds up.

Mindfulness Bell

This idea comes from Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Peace Is Every Step.

The practice is to use the mindfulness bell and/or a quiet space to help members of the family re-center and reconnect, either alone or separately.

Ringing the bell is a reminder and an encouragement to care for ourselves while we find our way back to center. As my youngest child says:

“When the mindfulness bell rings, you can hear your heart.”

There is an implicit understanding that sometimes our actions and words will only cause harm, and that refraining from them is in everyone’s best interest.  

{That actually took me a while to learn. Ahem.}

We have the bell in a certain part of the house, and anyone can go there at any time and ring it.

Like this: I am running around trying to get us all out the door, find shoes, get clothes on, make snacks, etc., and Orlando rings the bell.

Or this: I am overwhelmed and having a difficult time focusing. I sit down and ring the bell. The kids regard me quietly.

Ringing the bell gives us the opportunity to get in touch with ourselves so our actions can continue from a place of care and kindness.

I’ve written more about using it here, and here.

Soft-Belly

Finding a soft belly is just like it sounds. You can try it now.

Bring your attention to your belly… relax your stomach muscles… and now breathe in, feeling your breath filling your belly. Let your belly rise and fall with each breath.

Now, go back to how you were sitting before. Breathe in without the intention of having a soft belly.

Notice a difference?

I mainly use soft-belly as a silent reminder to myself throughout the day… just checking in and letting my stomach relax can cause a huge energy shift for me.

I’ve also used it when I notice my stress rising or I am starting to feel antsy. I take a breath and focus on relaxing my belly.

It helps ground the energy of all of us.

Here’s an example:

I was heading upstairs to get clothes for the kids, and I heard a bang and a cry (sounded like Orlando).

My first response was exasperation — we had spent the morning crashing into each other, literally and metaphorically, and I was tired.

As I turned to head back down the stairs, I turned my attention to my belly, taking time to breathe deeply while I walked (I could tell by the cry that he wasn’t seriously injured).

By the time I arrived to Orlando, I felt ready to comfort — rather than admonish — him.

There is an important difference between:

“I feel stressed so I must think of something else!”

     and

“Here I am feeling stressed… I am going to go inward and notice… using my breath as an anchor, resting my attention there, on my belly and my breath.”

Being kind to yourself matters.

Wrapping Up

Most mindfulness techniques help me because they shift my awareness to something that is undeniably here and now, which grounds me and creates a refuge from which to experience my emotions.

So, instead of thinking “I wish I hadn’t said that! I am so terrible. I’m failing, and harming my children…” and experiencing a terrible sinking feeling, I might notice my hands (placing my attention there, feeling coolness or whatever) while allowing the remorse or sadness (a welling-up feeling, tingly cheeks) to occur and be felt.

Something the Buddha taught about mindfulness…

• We remember and reflect on our past behavior, and notice what has been harmonious and what has been harmful, and we choose to feed what has been harmonious and let go of what has been harmful.
• We experience the fullness, and the reality, of the present moment.
• We create an intention for our future (this is not the same as an admonishment or a resolution… it is more like “May I be…“).

These practices feed my awareness; my awareness helps me clearly see my behavior; seeing clearly allows remorse; remorse gives rise to my intention; my intention creates the possibility for healing.

This cycle is never-ending. I am not healed, but I am healing. I feel this cycle moving through me or me through it, and I am realizing — I’m hoping — that it will be going on for a long time.

Why not begin now?

Choose one technique and give it a try.

~ * ~

This post is an excerpt from my book Practicing Peace.
Download the book here, free!

~ * ~

And, read on for more How-To posts from the Natural Parents Network community:

It’s that time again!

You might remember the great posts in December 2011 that highlighted the Natural Parents Network Volunteers’ most popular or favorite posts from the year. Well, we are back and this time we are bringing you a collection of posts that focus on Do-It-Yourself projects, How-To’s, Tutorials, Recipes, and anything related to a step-by-step guide or informational how-to.

There are a lot of really wonderful posts here and I hope that this serves as an excellent resource that you can pass on to your friends! Enjoy!

Jorje of Momma Jorje.com shares her Family Cloth Tutorial in pictures. She includes step by step photos with some tips for making very neat family cloth. You can find Momma Jorje on Facebook, too!

Lani at Boobie Time Blog shares “How to Help a New Breastfeeding Mom.” This post provides some tips on helping a new mom while she is learning to Breastfeed. You can also find Boobie Time Blog on Facebook and Twitter.

Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares “How I Make Cloth Wipes.” This post details how Amanda made all of her cloth wipes. You can also find Let’s Take the Metro on Facebook.

Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy shares “Lessons in a Picture Book.” A Lesson plan for pancakes and how to make your own butter! You can also find True Confessions of a Real Mommy on Facebook and Twitter.

Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares “Tips for Road Tripping with a Toddler.” A long car trip with a young child can be a great way to make some wonderful memories if you are prepared to meet the challenges. You can also find Monkey Butt Junction on Facebook and Twitter. 

Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares “Maple Cinnamon Swirl Bread.” This recipe tutorial shows you how to make a sweet whole wheat bread with beautiful cinnamon swirls in each slice. You can also find Farmer’s Daughter on Facebook and Twitter.

Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares “How To Consume Coconut Oil Plus Coconut Oil Candy Recipes.” This post provides some tips on how to get your daily dose of coconut oil down the hatch. It also provides some very tasty recipes for coconut oil candy! You can also find Hybrid Rasta Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Alicia at Lactation Narration gives some ideas for how to accomplish Partial Weaning for moms who would like to cut down on nursing without completely weaning. You can also find Lactation Narration on Facebook and Twitter.

Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares “A Learning-Rich Environment.” This post provides a number of suggestions for creating a learning-rich environment and incorporating learning into everyday life, with a particular focus on the preschool age. You can also find The Hippie Housewife on Facebook, Pinterest, and Google +.

Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares “Kale Chips = Awesome!“ This post shares a super easy recipe for making a super easy (and surprisingly tasty) snack from one of the most healthful greens around. You can also find Becoming Crunchy on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes shares “How to Move to California.” A silly how-to she wrote while she and her then fiance were driving to their new home. You can also find Shannon on Pinterest, Flickr, and Google +.

Gretchen at That Mama Gretchen shares a recipe for “Homemade Fruit Leather.” It’s easier than you ever thought and the perfect snack for you and your family. You can also find That Mama Gretchen on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. 

Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares “How I Cloth Diaper (Part 1).” This post details the way Julia has cloth diapered her daughter along with the products she uses. You can also find A Little Bit of All of It on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Joella at Fine and Fair shares “Our First Sensory Bins.” In this post, she shares how she made a “Scoop, Measure, and Pour” themed sensory bin, as well as an “In the Garden” themed bin. She also shares some tips for making your own sensory bins! Fine and Fair can be found on Facebook and Twitter.

For all of you breastfeeding mamas, Dionna at Code Name: Mama has the ultimate DIY experience with the main ingredient being your breastmilk! 58 Medical, Costmetic, and Other Alternative Uses for Breastmilk includes a cradle cap remedy, an anti-itch salve, weaning jewelry, lotion, and more. You can also find Dionna on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings offers several ideas for “Keeping a Toddler Happily Busy on a Long Flight.” The list includes handmade felt activities, among many other things. You can also find Melissa on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Shannon at The Artful Mama shares “Preparing Toddlers for Birth.” This post features MamAmor dolls and shows some alternative ways to talk to toddlers about pregnancy and birth. You can also find The Artful Mama on Facebook and Twitter.

Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World shares her “Family Binder DIY.” This post shows how to put together a family binder, to help organize cleaning, meal planning, shopping and budgeting all in one convenient location!

Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares “5 Green Living, Spring Cleaning Tips.” This post provides easy ways to keep the toxins out of your home and to freshen up your home for spring. You can also find I Thought I Knew Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares “Daily Bread: My Favorite Whole Grain Bread Machine Recipe.” This recipe is easy, highly adaptable, and a great starting point for creating your own daily (or almost daily!) homemade bread. You can also find Intrepid Murmurings on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest.

Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares “10 Tips for Toddler Carseat Woes.” Check out these ideas of dealing with toddler carseat issues without resorting to punishments. You can also find Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook.

Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares “DIY Mom’s Night In.” A somewhat humorous solution, this post provides exhausted Mamas the recipe for the perfect way to recharge!

Stacy at Sweet Sky shares “Ways to Bring More Mindfulness Into Your Days.” This post provides tips and tricks to bring yourself back to the present moment, so you can be the parent you want to be. You can also find Stacy on Facebook.

Amy at Anktangle shows us how to make your own popsicle stick puzzles, a fun and simple “busy bag” activity for toddlers and preschool aged children. You can also find Amy on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Lauren at Hobo Mama shares “How to sew a mei tai baby carrier.” The mei tai is Lauren and Sam’s favorite carrier for baby Alrik: as comfortable and simple as it is beautiful. You can also find Hobo Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares “How to Make Rainbow Coloured Rice (Without Alcohol) for a Toddler Sensory Bin.” This post provides a step by step tutorial for making vibrantly coloured rainbow rice for sensory play, includes a printable PDF. You can also find African Babies Don’t Cry on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Luschka of Diary of a First Child shares “How To Send A Hug In An Envelope.” This post is a creative way to send more than just the standard card to love ones. It literally is a hug in an envelope! You can also find Diary of a First Child on Facebook, and Twitter.