17 responses to “The Same Monster”

  1. Monica

    my girl is going through some social issues, and i’ve found myself somewhat lecturing, but also creating a distance. partly because she likes to hear me talk, and mostly because of my anxiety to make the problem go away for her.
    i had been thinking just yesterday that i’, closing the space to allow her to express feelings or tell of events without any anxieties over my possible reactions. your words today help confirm my next steps….
    Monica recently posted…the weekend

  2. pamela

    This is so brilliant!! My boys are 7 and almost 4 and the Same Monster visits all the time!! I LOVE this story as my boys learn far more from stories than from my own lecturing and Stop energy. But lately, I haven’t felt so creative … thank you for sharing this and inspiring me as always with your beautiful parenting. I won’t forget this line anytime soon:

    New possibilities which can’t be seen until the feelings are felt.

  3. Frith

    This IS brilliant! I only have one child but I know that sadness underlies many eruptions of anger in our house. Sadness not expressed, and with it an inability to adapt, all covered over by a thin veneer of resentment (anger). I think it applies on a national and global scale as well. I’m going to digest this and read it again and again.

  4. melissa aka equidae

    thank you! I thnk I need this post more for myself than the kids but thank you for your ideas to help us all out. Lots of love your w ay

  5. Anushka

    oh what a great post stacy! we are in the throws of serious sibling rivalry just begun here! this really helps me to allow my big boy to feel his feelings and maybe time for a story made up by me like you with the awesome same monster story. i forgot about that most wonderful of techniques in dealing with difficult behavior.
    Anushka recently posted…happy halloween

  6. Janice

    Beautiful story… Thanks so much for sharing.
    Janice recently posted…Happy Family

  7. Shelley Glendenning

    …can you say Children’s Book Author? That is what I find myself thinking about while reading and rereading this inspiring, original, deep and rich story. My heart thanks your heart. Namaste’, Shelley

    1. 6512 and growing

      Yes, The Same Monster children’s book! Yes!
      Stacy, thank you for again and again *showing* the way to us, to your kids.
      6512 and growing recently posted…dispatches: these skills will help them someday

  8. Shelley Glendenning

    …one more thought just arrived. In the world of Whole Systems Design, which is my professional world, we make a distinction between “balance” and “symmetry.” Balance is seen as more mathmatical and from the world of engineering. Symmetry is viewed as more design-based. I wonder, Does the Same Monster live in a world where balance is the mode? Where scales are weighing everything for evenness? There is a natural beauty in symmetry, but it is not always evenly balanced…in fact, sometimes being unbalanced is the most beautiful. Hmmm…I am just appreciating wondering.

  9. erin

    thank you wise mama, for a reflection of sameness and not-sameness and the place in the middle to which we strive to be. sometimes leaning and tilting a bit this way, and sometimes shifting and swaying a bit that way. i love the traffic circle analogy, and every time i have seen gordon neufeld speak (thrice) i have come away humbled and so keen to practise new things. he inspires! we have a younger boy who is still hungering for a missed-out piece of his mama’s time and attuned atention, , when he was 2 and 1/2 years old and my brother and dad both died the same year. my grief was heavy and we detached in many ways. co-sleeping, breast feeding and carrying kept us together, but emotionally he is still yearning for same. and i am needing for both he and i to feel those tears of futility, that place of acceptance and that hope arising. we do this and i want to step it up, to really attach and strengthen, and heal.

    many blessings to you, dear one . xo
    erin recently posted…the little cantaloupe that did

  10. Emmanuelle

    Thank you Stacy for this beautiful insight… The part about the traffic circle was particularly meaningful for me at the present.

  11. mb

    wonderful!!!! felt feelings. ahhh. can i express mild jealousy that you have a neufeld community? how awesome. i will bask in your blog so i can vicariously absorb some of that awesomeness. i love the traffic circle imagery. another wonderful read, stacy.
    mb recently posted…ornithology of gratitude

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