This year we celebrated Solstice — in our very own way, in a way that I think is going to stick. Like snow, you know.
I haven’t been a huge fan of Christmas as a grown-up (nothing against it, just not too energized by it), so once Rom and I had kids we chose to play it mellow, introducing the idea of Santa as the spirit of generosity (we never told the kids he was a real person) and having a slow Christmas morning with few but special gifts.
We also did our own Solstice celebration, but not every year — we’ve spent (traditional) Christmas with my parents and my siblings and their families every other year and were often traveling or already gone from home during Solstice.
The end result was that my kids weren’t really clear on what our own family’s traditions were.
Neither was I.
So this year I made the radical decision that we weren’t going to do Christmas and would instead celebrate Solstice. And that next year we won’t travel until after Solstice.
So there!
Except we kept saying things like “Today we’re going to get our Christm– I mean, Solstice Tree!” and “Honey, could you plug in the Chr–winter lights?”
It takes time to turn the tide of 2000 years. Or two.
Turns out my kids don’t even remember our Solstice celebration from the year before last. Sigh.
But they’re trying to get with the program. The other day, from the dark back seat of the car, Mica asked, “Mama? Why do we celebrate Solstice and not Christmas?”
I fumbled around saying stuff about how this is a special time of year, recognized by humans all over the world and throughout history, and that there are many celebrations that happen this time of year. That it’s a time to reflect inward, to come together with family and friends, to eat well and celebrate the earth’s bounty, even in this dark time, to recognize the passing of time and the importance of those we love by sharing our food and gifts with them, to help others who need it, and all that… and that instead of doing two different days, we’re going to do one day when we can honor all these impulses to celebrate.
What I didn’t say: I love the natural world, and I can get excited and geeked-out about foods and rituals for Solstice in a way I just can’t for Christmas.
And geek out I did — just a little bit. Rom was rooting for lots of treats to ensure that Solstice rivaled Christmas in sheer sugar weight, and got a huge Lego set for the kids’ gift. I got busy figuring out what we wanted to do and how in terms of ritual and food. (See how we balance each other out?)
We took what we wanted from Christmas (tree, stockings, generosity, and gifts) and what we wanted for Solstice (welcoming the sun, honoring the seasons, the earth, and the animals; a ritual to honor the coming of a new year) and ended up with our very own… Solstmas!! 
To get some momentum going, a week before Solstice I created a simple advent calendar — putting green strips of paper on the wall, each with one or two getting-ready activities a day…
Day Six: We put up winter lights, which morphed into a snowflake-making extravaganza, thanks to Orlando.
Day Five: We got our own tree, from a u-cut farm. Our tree is so sweet and wonderful, though I have to say it was hard for me to cut it down. We thanked the tree, and I am hoping to use the wood from the tree in some way — either creating candle holders or curing the wood and burning it at summer solstice… But next year, maybe a big wreath.
Day Four: We decorated the tree, and made and bought gifts. Next year I hope to begin gift-making much earlier (does everyone say this every year?).
Day Three: We made popcorn and cranberry strings for the birds, and collected pine cones to make more bird feeders.
Day Two: We wrote down our memories of the year. This was really sweet — I used apple paper chains and strung them up along our doorway. I realized how wonderful it will be to save these and read them later, though I am sure there will be a few that will get a big ol’ “huh?” a few years down the road.
Some of our memories:
- tidepooling in Hawaii and seeing a dead moray eel
- when Hazel was born
- being at young families’ meal in cohousing
- going to visit Grammy and Grandpa up north
- when Ed died, and having a beautiful honoring of his life
- having a water balloon fight at my birthday party
- when Mama went paddleboarding in Hawaii
- saying goodbye (only temporarily!) to our friends as they sail the Atlantic
And we made tissue-paper glass jar lanterns…
… which we took with us on the annual cohousing Waking the Trees ritual, wherein we all grabbed pots and pans and drums and harmonicas and whatever else and paraded around the property serenading and thanking and encouraging the trees as the light returns…
Solstice Eve: Our Day of Darkness — we kept our lights off all day and night, using only the tree lights and candles — and made wish bread.
The bread turned out great (egg-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, and good!)… but the best part was making it, saying aloud our wishes for the next year as we stuck each raisin into the gooey dough.
Some of our wishes:
- good health for Grammy and Grandpa
- good health for all our family and friends!
- that all beings are healthy and happy, safe and free from suffering
- that I get a Lego!
- for creativity
- that our family always reconnects and repairs
- to spend time with friends and to see our cousins
- that our kids continue learning and growing and having fun
- to walk in the woods and take hikes as a family
- and many, many more! (there were a lot of raisins in that bread)
Solstice Day! We woke up to the lit-up tree, magically covered in candy canes (a tradition from my childhood), and opened stockings. We had wish bread and tea for breakfast, along with a big bowl of oranges and mangoes (the small yellow kind).
Then the kids opened the gifts. The idea was only one big gift a year but along with the Lego set, we got them a set of old-fashioned games (chess, checkers, backgammon, cribbage, mancala). And we never saw the kids again. Seriously, it’s now 5 o’clock and Orlando has just finished building the Lego set.
Okay, we saw them a little bit, like at lunch: herb bread, hearty veggie soup, baked salmon, golden beet salad, and solstice cupcakes!
As we sat down to eat, we turned the star on top of our tree into a sun, said a thank you prayer, and partook of our feast. Then we headed out for an afternoon at the beach — in the sun!
And then home for lounging around, cleaning, eating left-overs, and playing mancala.
* ~ * ~ *
A lot of our ideas came from Annie at Sensible Living… including the wish bread and memories of the year.
The idea for cupcakes came from The Shortest Day: Celebrating the Winter Solstice. But I made devil’s food cupcakes with white frosting and yellow decorations. I liked the idea of dark and light together.
I have a few big books about solstice, winter celebrations, etc., that I’m planning on reading (before December 2012!) and hope to continue to create meaning, fun, and connections for us during this season. Along with St. Nicholas’ Day earlier this month, and our upcoming New Year’s labyrinth walk (and releasing ceremony), I am feeling really good about our celebrations!
How about you? What traditions are you keeping, changing, adding in?
to updates and extras
This is such a refreshing post. I am so glad you did your own thing, and don’t get swept away by the hype around any event, that you just do what feels good in your heart. I just put your button back on my blog, it had gotten lost with the makeover. Just realized that! Sending you warm loving thoughts… xxLL
Thanks, Lauren. It felt like a big deal to claim what we wanted to do on our own, and it was something I never fully did before. It feels a lot better/I feel clearer now. It’s exciting, and yes, refreshing!
BTW, did you see your prayer flags in the tree shot?
If anyone wants their own, visit Lauren’s wonderful shop! http://www.etsy.com/listing/71909301/harmony-chakra-flags
It sounds wonderful, Stacy! I’m so excited to read about more and more people taking back the holidays, celebrating it intentionally and in ways that are most meaningful to each family. Even better is that celebrating holidays like this are often low or no stress compared to the status quo.
I am so looking forward to the days getting longer again!
Happy Solstice!
xx
That is the amazing thing – we can start our OWN traditions with our own families.
My tradition from childhood is opening presents on Dec 23rd, so that is what we did! We do it every year. This clears us for visiting with family on the next two days.
Love, love your day. It sounds like you are just finding your rhythm and then some. And you sound soooo happy! I love how you begin here:
“The end result was that my kids weren’t really clear on what our own family’s traditions were.
Neither was I.” and end with all that bounty. Just as the earth does…from seeds to harvest.
We do something really sweet for Solstice. And still, with a college and high school freshman the tradition continues. I’m a lucky woman who gets to watch rainbow fairies with my kids. http://altaredspaces.com/2010/12/solstice-brings-inner-illumination/
PS: I’m nuts about your snowflakes and your paper laterns. Please tell more.
The snowflakes just flowed organically… Orlando was using 8 1/2 x 11 pieces of white paper, and then I showed him how to start by making a square, and then I went to get tissue paper and found origami paper instead (already cut into squares!), so that is what we ended up using the most. Orlando got the hang of intricate designs pretty quickly. Mica ended up with some very cute square-shaped ones, and even approached symmetry, about which he exclaimed excitedly, “Look, Mama! I made it perfectly!”
The lanterns I’ve seen around various places the last couple of years — we used mason jars, craft glue, and tissue paper cut and/or torn into shapes. (Though the circle lantern is actually one piece of patterned tissue that Orlando chose to use.) We used a light-weight wire to make simple handles, put a tea candle in each, and set off into the night.
And thank you for your beautiful solstice story — illuminating in many ways, what a wonderful story!
i love this. we are so caught in-between. which is all right, but my heart is with the solstice. my mantra this year has been “stay flexible” and not put pressure on myself to make solstice exactly what i long for it to be. it might be time for a heart-to-heart with my family, though right now there is a PILE, i tell you, a PILE of presents under the yule tree, from our families…we creep forward at a very slow pace…thanks for your example, and i have to tell you – Walking The Trees would be the highlight of my year.
happy solstice, dear friend!
A breath of fresh air amidst the chaos…thank you.
Good for you for blazing your own trail with Solstmas. I like how you’ve blended traditions and new additions.
Having no artificial lights (other than tree lights) is particularly inspired–the winter solstice is so powerful as a period to look for our inner light when the outer light is in such short supply.
Really curious to see what you end up making out of your tree. My favorite tradition regarding Christmas trees is to get a live one and then plant it together after Christmas. Given the nature connection in your Solstmas celebration, perhaps a live tree you can plant with your family could be part of next year’s celebration?
Around here (Ithaca NY) there is a “natural” cemetery – http://naturalburial.org/ which cuts down invasive non-native pine trees and gives them away for use at the holidays. It’s like a free U-cut one afternoon in December. Helps the cemetery keep its fields clear of unwanted trees, and saves them on hauling costs. And families get free trees! Maybe there is a keen find like that near you, where it’s more of a guilt-free tree — you didn’t end its life prematurely, you were upcycling a doomed tree
The artificial-light-free solstice day/night really resonates with me. Since I started really watching sunset and reminding myself that the days get longer after the solstice my antsiness (sub-clinical SAD lol) over the lack of light has really subsided. It feels amazing to settle into something that works – rock on!
Thanks for this post, Stacy. I feel like I could write my own post about this, but I’m not seeing the time to do it.
I am with you – wanting to have rituals and traditions, but needing to feel good about them. The conventional Christmas spent w extended family feels … Too much. We celebrated thanksgiving with them this year and had Christmas to ourselves. For the first time we made a point to celebrate solstice and that felt so good. I made candles w beeswax in seashells we collected, we spent sunset at the beach (love!!), then joined friends for music playing under the stars. It felt slow, simple, and right. I loved Christmas as a kid, so it has been important to find a celebration that feels good to us and our values and beliefs (which diverge from those of my childhood quite dramatically). We did get a tree, and hung up bows and strung lights, I made some wholesome sweet treats I feel good about serving my family. I made a wholesome version of “bubble” or “monkey bread” that we made together on Christmas morning. Before bed on Christmas eve we listened to an audio recording of night before Christmas while eating home popped popcorn. These all felt good. I really loved the make-believe of Santa as a kid, so we are feeling out this aspect with Anjali. I like to believe in fairies and magic, so I try to keep it in the same spirit. And we try hard to keep gifts to simple and minimum.
I have found a couple of solstice books I want to explore (recommended by Soulemama), and I hope to find more ways to incorporate simple traditions and festivals into our lives – with simplicity. Another thing very important to me is to spend as much time as possible acknowledging nature and the other inhabitants of Earth through all the hustle and bustle. In Oregon, we did well just getting out the door on Christmas! It was so chilly and wet! But we made it out for a few minutes anyway.
I really appreciated and enjoyed reading how you celebrated. I like the advent(ure) calendar – another tradition of my childhood I loved but hadn’t found a way to include it bc of its religiosity (and candy). Also love the tissue paper lanterns! I love crafting w tissue paper and these are so sweet.
Thanks for your encouraging words the other day. Support from kindred spirits feels so good. I definitely have thought about you and your choosing experience as we have walked our own path. Maybe we could talk more. Happy New Year, Stacy!
Ha- autocorrect:
“Choosing ” was meant to be “co housing”!
Stacy, of all our celebrations, solstice felt the richest to me. Maybe because we created a tradition entirely ourselves that fit perfectly for our family.
So glad your family felt empowered to do your own thing this year.
xo
What a great post and awesome site!! Looking forward to following you this year!
Jen
Mindful Moms Network
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Hello dear Stacy, this is really really beautiful, inspiring and your children and family are so lucky to have you as co-creator/facilitator of all this specialness. Its wonderful that you then go and share this out there in the world to inspire people like me! Bravo to you xxx
[...] creating, and making – lanterns, popcorn strings, bread, soup, and cupcakes for solstice. Orlando has been making his own snack (using the stove top), made potholders for Tia Joy and [...]