It never ceases to amaze me, all that is going on inside one another, and we have no idea, really, and then we do.
Last fall, I began to worry. A friend mentioned that her child had recently had her eyes checked, and it turned out that the reason the child was struggling to read, waiting for it all to fall into place when she so wanted it to, was that her eyes weren’t tracking, and after a short while of some exercises, it all clicked and she was off to the reading races.
Or maybe the worry had been there all along, because I think I must have started the conversation by mentioning that the whole reading thing wasn’t really happening or hadn’t happened yet for Orlando, and then she told me about the eyes, and I replied that Orlando had been to the eye doctor and that his eyes were fine.
She said her child had been to that same eye doctor and that doctor had missed the problem. So they had gone to a different doctor, a specialist, and I asked her for the name of the doctor, and I kept it with me, and googled him (the doctor) at home later, and called him, I can’t remember if it was right away.
I mentioned that I thought Orlando was struggling to recognize the letters. I told him that Orlando seemed visually overwhelmed by many letters, didn’t seem to “see” words on the page and he started talking about visual processing and this and that and he asked about his coordination and he said he worked in a whole clinic and that they would be able to test for quite a lot of things and I realized I was opening some door to a land I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to. Yet.
Orlando had just turned seven… He had had plenty of exposure to reading and to books and to letters and words. He loves looking at books. He is articulate and coordinated and bright. I wasn’t worried about his reading “late,” but I wanted to be sure he had everything he needed, if he needed it.
I talked to Rom, and told him about my conversation with the doctor and we talked about whether we felt it was right to start getting tests. We didn’t think it was time. The idea that there was something that could easily be strengthened in him (à la my friend’s child’s eye tracking) so that reading was no longer a confusing thing for him was appealing. But, but, it was still early.
And then the next week, for Mica’s birthday party, I had bought a bunch of things to put in the piñata — balloons, tiny animals, stickers, tiny colored pencils and because I couldn’t find blank notebooks, I bought these little books that had mazes, word searches, and dot-to-dots.
A few days later, Orlando sat down with a book and did all the mazes. All the dot-to-dots. Then he asked me about the word searches. I pointed to the words at the top and said that they appeared in the letters below and that you could find them and circle them.
He did them all, on that page, and then in that book, and then in all the books.
And Rom and I raised our eyebrows at each other: It seems like he is seeing those letters just fine.
So we waited, and I started doing a bit more focused work with him on letters, phonics, words. And still, wild guesses from Orlando about what the word might be (can, fan, m—ouse!)… No interest in words on a page. He has almost never asked me about words, as in “what is that word?” or “what does that say?” He wants to know how to read but doesn’t engage with any part of the process.
It didn’t feel right — any of it and mostly me trying to “teach” him. But also the worry that he needed more support.
And on an intuitive hunch, I ask another mom when her ten-year-old child learned to read and she said, “My child is dyslexic.”
And a whole conversation came out of that… the same kinds of behavior that Orlando shows. There is visual dyslexia and auditory dyslexia, and early intervention, and many other things and another night of google. And another point of “Hm, not sure,” but I did find out about phonemes, which of course I already knew about. But games and ideas and ways to find out more… to introduce it into our days.
And still, amid it all, a sense of wanting to honor his own timing and his own abilities and a sense of wanting to do the right thing, to give him the right tools, to do right by him. A sense of wanting to let it unfold without withholding the support he might need.
And then we went to the beach and he carried around his very important stick and climbed on the fallen, washed-ashore logs, and he stood on the bow of one, with the stick pressed down upon it and he threw his open heart to the sky and recited a series of words and turned to me and said, “Mama, was that a poem?”
I asked him to say it again, and he said it again.
“Is that a poem, Mama, because the words are rhyming?”
And I said, “Yes, Boo, that’s a poem.”
When we caught up to Rom, who had been up ahead with Mica, I told him about the poem, and we agreed that Orlando had tapped right into the source.
Later at home, while Rom was with Mica taking a nap, Orlando and I ate popcorn and played one of the games I’d found online. Clapping out the syllables. I just started, no explanation, “pop-corn” and “sea-weed” (which we eat on our popcorn), and he got into it, making up rules like when you get a seven-syllable sentence, you get 8 triple points and such.
And then a bit later, he asked me how you write “peed” and then he showed me his newest masterpiece:
And just this afternoon, he started stringing letters together and asking me what they said. O-z-z-i-o. O-r-a-a. And then he asked me, how do you spell trant? And aha?
He knew just where they needed to go:
It is as if whenever I worry, he goes about showing me, again, how he is teaching himself, joyfully creating, and is ever the author of his own story.
He shows me the source.
to updates and extras 
every child is so unique…they truly do learn in their own fashion…and the more tools (and games) and creative resources for exploration and cultivation for curiosity we offer…the better able they are to make the connections and discoveries they need. Sometimes that does come from professional resources, absolutely, sometime it comes from parents…sometimes it just comes from Divine timing…the ultimate source.
so awesome. i was just posting about my boo's poems.
so cool! i admire your ability to hold your own worries in check (feel your feelings, but not necessarily act? 
) and allow his timing to unfold, yet with obviously a lot of research and deep thought on your part. it's such a journey.
oooh… beautiful. i see this happening already with my son too – that whatever i'm worrying about within his development he shows me he's just fine in that area. i love orlando's drawings and the ghost's speech bubble.
This is gorgeous on so many levels. And utterly unique and completely universal at the same time.
Oh yes. We have been down that road, in fact we skim it from time to time, with my brilliant and neurologically different son. I find terms and definitions, and then back up, not wanting labels and 'diagnoses' to interfere with him being just happy with who he is. There is the time when getting extra help is good and there are times when extra help really only seems to be for kids who must be in a class environment. Don't need that.
I do truly think all kids develop differently and have special abilities and differences that make them so much more than whatever benchmarks the institution of school delineates. But I ramble. Because in the end you found that the labels didn't fit and he was just cruising along on his own timeline, and carving his own road. And that is lovely.
ah, this must have been a large exhalation of breath! i go through this cyclically with eliza, wondering about tracking, etc, and then i realize how much writing she is putting out, how much detailed precise drawing, and i am able to just sit back again and support and observe and be there with her with the reading instead of panicking. this was lovely.
This is a lovely expression of how you parent. Following. We should all be so lucky to have someone follow us around to observe how we see and hear the world. To discover our way to open our funnel and let the world in. To find our window and help us open it wider by claps and seaweed laced popcorn.
I find it fascinating how often the journey to learn reading is a treasured story in the hearts of parents. For both of my children I have bright memories. It's a big moment. The world changes.
I've been doing that dance for a long time: the wanting to intervene, to help, then relaxing, letting things come. I live in both worlds for sure, and have made peace with that, but I love hearing this story of how poetry tiptoes and then leaps in your house.
I am reminded of story on a "Little People(Fisher Price)" dvd the kids have. I may have the details wrong, but the gist is right. A farmer couldn't figure out why his veggies wouldn't grow. The rest of the town was wondering where their veggies were and were getting impatient. He stood there telling the veggies to hurry up, grow fast, as they have people to please, and the veggies would actually shrink and shrivel, too afraid to come up. A wise little girl tells him that his plants will never grow that way, that they need their own time, they need their space, and they need gentle encouraging voices, not loud demanding voices. Then, they will do what they need to do.
I love this story, and as unschoolers I think we already know better, but what I struggle with sometimes are the people outside our circle waiting impatiently for "benchmarks" to happen. Because I 've been conditioned to worry about other people, sometimes I falter and the impatient farmer in me wants to come out. Your story comforts me in two ways, 1) i am not alone in these worries, 2) trust is the only way.
I am still doing the reading dance with my own boys, and it goes up, and then down, and then back up. I actually don't think a "click" will happen; it is a slow process that looks much different than how most people expect it to occur. I did the tracking thing with my oldest (when he was 7) and wish I hadn't, so good for you for stepping back and waiting. Trust is hard when fear comes creeping in.
I have been reading all your meditation writings, and as I delve into it more, I will look for more resources from you as well.
Thank You! Andrea
Hah! Syncronicity again!!!
We must stop this!!!
)
http://dreamingaloudnet.blogspot.com/2011/02/making-his-mark.html
Totally!!! I go through the same things. How is it that we just can't totally awlays feel good about trusting our children and their paths? I think it is a struggle for me because what others think (especially like ex partners and relatives) opinions weigh in a lot. Until I disappear to a deserted island where only likeminded unschoolers love, finding a balnce is key for me.