35 responses to “Till the water is clear”

  1. Luschka @ Diary of a First Child

    Wow! Those are really powerful thoughts. And incredibly peaceful, in their own way. Presence, and being fully present, is a lesson I am still trying to learn. Slowly but surely.

  2. mrs green @ littlegreenblog

    this was such a profound post – thank you. It reminded me of something my cranial osteopath said to me once. He said that if the child is sick you should give the mother the medicine. I find this a particularly powerful metaphor that ties in beautifully with your post.

  3. Mindful Life Shop

    Lovely! It is amazing what a thermostat we are for our families – especially our children! Thank you for the wonderful post.

  4. Bethy

    Amazing. I really enjoyed the deep thoughts. Having a baby has taught me that flexibility pays off and they we are raising little people with feelings and ideas. You worded it beautifully.

  5. Rachael @ The Variegated Life

    Consciously incompetent = so, so painful at times. I am trying to dwell here with grace. Plus, I am always more than I think I am.

    Thank you!

  6. Dionna @ Code Name: Mama

    Your description of your son, the rice squares, and how you gently made yourself available brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful example of allowing a child to feel without judgment. Thank you so much for sharing.

  7. Dreamingaloudnet

    I've said it before, we've all said it before here. You are a WONDERFUL writer, and so insightful. You inspire me, lift me up, move me on, and I carry you with me through my days in my heart, your gentle voice of awareness, your wonderful stories and teachings in my ear, nudging me towards greater gentleness and awareness with my interactions, especially with my tropical tempest of a two year old. You are a natural teacher. Thank you, thank you for your insight, honesty and gentleness. Thank you.

  8. halfwaycrunchy

    This post was wonderful, thank you for sharing. I especially loved "my energy — whether rushed or calm, open or insistent, distracted or grounded — sets the tone for the entire house" – how very true that statement is. We are the weather indeed.

  9. Lauren @ Hobo Mama

    How beautiful to travel with you through these small journeys, to see your transformations unfold. I wish for that kind of clarity and presence, and I will take your words to heart. I think your perception of being the weather is so true; how we are — swirling or cold or calm — affects inevitably how our children are that day. Thanks for admitting how long it took you to come to this place. You're giving me hope for myself!

  10. mb

    wow, thank you stacy! this was amazing. the water and weather metaphors are going to stick with me, i can tell.

  11. Mama Mo

    I am touched by the story of your son's crying. I'm trying to learn and accept that sometimes babies and children just need to cry. I know I do, so why should I expect different of my children?

    Thank you for a beautiful, thought-provoking post.

  12. Jen from SewnNatural

    one of my favorite posts of any blog, ever. thank you. so much food for thought.

  13. slim pickins

    finally, a circle instead of a line…large exhalation of breath. thank you, mama, for the work of putting this together for the rest of us to mull over…it revives me.
    LOVE d

  14. Earth Mama

    This is a lot of food for thought….good food for thought. I love that you scrambled out of bed for paper and pen. I do that too sometimes. I often think I should have some under my pillow for times like that. Thank you for taking the time to share you perspective on how you learn your lessons and how our children are our biggest teachers. I wholeheartedly agree.

    :) Lisa

  15. Lindsey

    This is a wonderful reminder for mothers (for parents) to be the leader in the house– gentle and loving– but a leader. I often forget that my moods are contagious.

  16. Write About Birth

    Thank you so much for that post. You have just put into very clear words something that I have been thinking about, and experiencing, for a long while now. As parents, we truly set the tone for the atmosphere in the household. It is not a change in our kids' (perceived) bad behavior that makes the clouds of conflict and panic lift; it is our feelings and attitudes.

    "No, no! No! Not that way! I don't want them mmmm dhhhhh mmammdhh dkdkdk! Waaaaahhh!!" I could barely understand what he was saying he was crying so hard, the tears spilling. His face the shape of a wail.

    This made me laugh so loudly! Because it sounds so familiar!


  17. Sydney

    Words out of my mouth. I've always felt we were trudging along at the same pace. I want to come around more often again.

  18. Amy

    Lovely, Stacy :) I recall being told this as well…

    " * We are unconsciously incompetent (in the dark).
    * We are consciously incompetent (aware of the difference between where we are and our full potential).
    * We can move into conscious competence (practicing new ways of being, allowing our full potential).
    * We experience moments of unconscious competence (our full presence comes alive without our effort)."

    The truth is beautiful, thank you for highlighting it here.

  19. amy friend

    wow stacy. so much to think about here, and allow to resonate. while i totally get the weather concept (my mother was the weather), my child seems to be totally unaffected by my mood.

  20. mindfulmixture

    I sometimes wonder why I read this blog. I mean it is so much about parenting and I am not a parent and most likely never will be. Yet I feel pulled back to this blog over and over. It is posts like this that remind me that all these lessons that come up for you as a parent can be applied to life outside of parenting. So many of the things you wrote so beautifully about in this post and others like it have given me much to chew on and to incorporate into my non-parenting life. I am grateful for that. And as I read this one I was also able to see how I had already begun to learn similar lessons while being around my nephews. My nephews are raised very differently than the way you raise your children. I had to go from the frustration of judging the way they are raised to knowing that I can take a different approach that is better for me, that suits me and my way of living, when they are with me. This way they experience many different ways, not better or worse, just different. Each time I have one or the other around me I observe and learn more and those lessons almost always apply outside of that time with the nephews as well. So, thank you for your mindful approach and how you share these things with all of us, even the non-parents who are drawn to your blog as well.

  21. Terri

    This is heart-opening, awe inspiring post. I wish I had a friend like you a few doors away, for inspiration, insights and to know I'm not the only one with children racing around not wanting to go to bed! I loved reading the competence circle – perfect. This post really resonates with me and brings me into a deeper space of awareness. Thank-you

  22. Andrea

    I honestly could not have read this at a better moment. Finding it all a little difficult with a 3 yr and in a foreign country. It all makes so much sense, I can't tell you. Thank you! I feel ready now for tomorrow!

  23. 6512 and growing

    Wow Stacy. This is quite a masterpiece of words and courage.

    I've realized that I am scared of the full spectrum of my daughter's emotions. Her emotional life often feels so bewildering and chasm-like to me, like anyone—whole countries, even—could get swallowed up in her yowling sadness. I often think "how could a three year old know so much sadness?"

    Well. you've pried open my fear-locked door just a little bit. I will try and hold the image of you and crying Mica in my heart next time I want to whisk away my daughter's tears and hold back her tsunami of sadness.

    Thank you,

  24. Michelle @ The Parent Vortex

    Wow, this really hit home for me. I am trying hard to move from conscious incompetence to conscious competence and it really takes effort every day. And yet, when something works to shift my energy, it's like the sun has come out again from behind the clouds and it revitalizes me. Thank you for sharing part of your journey with us – I am re-inspired.

  25. MJ

    I am so grateful to Mon at holistic mama for linking this post :) . When I read this, I think yes, yes and yes. I have been on this unschooling journey for a little while with my 8 and 6 year old, and it has challenged and stretched me to limits that I never imagined. I look forward to getting to know you and your site more–cheers,

  26. debbiedas

    Oh Stacy, this was incredible.

    I almost never read your posts the day they pop up in my reader because I know that they will require my time; time to read, time feel my way around, time to ponder and reflect. I am so glad I waited until today to read this one.

    Yesterday was a really rough day for me with Isaac. Hmmm…we both cried. I felt like the worst mother ever and while I was fully aware of what was happening, I couldn't stop it. (Um, more like didn't want to…I was damn angry.)

    Long story short, today was a different day; a gorgeous day. I absolutely believe, with all my heart we are the weather. I've seen this play out in my house dozens of times – I'm up and happy and the day unfolds beautifully. I not up…tired and crabby and the day is one huge struggle. It's all me.

    Anyway, this is long and rambly, but just to say that you are so inspiring in your reflections. I so value your space and am thankful for your wisdom.

    Many blessings, friend. xoxo

    ps – I had an experience with Isaac today that was just like yours with Mica. And you know what?…while it was happening I thought of you. Love those connections of the heart. xo

  27. denise

    Reading, I thought YES…YES!…YES!!!!

  28. Woman Laughing

    This is gorgeous and heartfelt and so close to many of us mamas. I love what you've written here and have learned from it already. My daughter is very much like my unconscious, and yes, I AM the weather … so I've learned that what I need is to be at peace with myself in order to react to her with love and kindness and patience always. Lol, she is weather too, though … since I find my moods shifting to reflect hers at times without meaning for it too (by this, I mean her more volatile moods).

    Thank you.


  29. Melissa aka Equidae

    lovely post. something i relate to completely

  30. Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama

    Beautiful thoughts. What a wonderful mama you are!

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  33. elizabeth

    thank you so much. it’s THE challenge to step out, and breathe. and it’s THE gift to step out and breathe. for the kids, and for ourselves. thanks for posting. looking forward to more!

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