This Mad Mama! Moment brought to you by… impatience.
I am sitting at the kitchen table, using my laptop (ahem), when Orlando asks me to help him put on his shoes. I get up out of my seat and kneel down to assist my firstborn child.
I can feel my irritation there, under the surface, as I mechanically go through the motions of properly socking and shoe-ing my child. He goes out the back door, I go back to my laptop (perhaps I was even working on a blog post?), and Rom stays at the kitchen sink. Mica continues mucking about in the tupperware cupboard.
Then Orlando comes back in and leans against the fridge.
“Mama,” he says. “When you put on my shoes, I felt sad! You were just… eh-eh-eh.” He shakes his hands in the air in front of him in a mighty fine imitation of me.
“I was sad because, because, because…. ” His little body is standing there. He holds his hands in front of himself, his palms slack, as he gropes for language.
I pick up where he left off, “Because you need to feel respected, and the way I was acting was not very respectful?”
“Yeah! You don’t have to take angry action, Mama. You can just bang the ground.”
I sat there for a moment, sort of amazed, and replied, “Yes, I could. I could take some time to notice what I’m doing and do it more carefully. Or I could take a break and come back later.”
“Yeah!” he says.
Then I come toward him and kneel down. “I’m sorry, Boo, that I was rough with you. That I wasn’t paying attention.”
“I know.” He turns to go back outside to play. I watch him walking out the door into the green grass.
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May all beings be free of pain and suffering.