I remember the first time I felt it: the crazy-mom moment.
Orlando was a baby, maybe five or six months old, and I was walking up the stairs of our house with him in my arms, and I thought: “I’ll go crazy. I am going crazy.” I felt the shimmer of despair and desperation, like who am I, who is this kid, where are we, what I am doing here, I need someone, anyone, just another person, a bigger life, more space, more connection.
That crazy-mom moment. We all have them, though we choose to medicate them differently. Playgroup, anyone? Or maybe Prozac.
Hey, I’ve done my share of playgroups — and Omega-3s (the organic mood enhancer, thank you very much) — but I’m just saying that I’ve wanted something more. Something more structural, something outside of me that will help me live the way I want to on the inside.
And that’s where the co-housing thing comes in. I swear, I called Rom every day at work during my pregnancy with Mica: “This is so wrong, we’re not meant to do this alone. I can’t do this alone.”
I want to know the people who live near me. I want to live with people who are different ages/colors/cultures/abilities. I want to act like we’re connected because we are. I want to see children of all ages running around in a mob. I want to have adult interaction, shared responsibilities, intergenerational confabs. I want a tremendous garden, wildspace, porches that face each other. And then I want my very own house, where I can retreat and find the ever-revered and sought-after privacy (I am an American, after all).
So we’re on a journey to find out: http://growingavillage.blogspot.com.
to updates and extras
a good friend of mine lived for years in a housing coop in west seattle- it sounded really great, but exhausting! there are two sides to everything, i guess. some parts of it would be so great, but i desperately need my space and my privacy and my ability to be a bad mom if that is what i am at this moment!! i don’t want to feel too inspected and watched, you know?
Hey Alissa!
Well, we WOULD have our own space (cohousing meaning that we share land and common spaces but all have our own private residences)… but I actually am craving that sort of visibility and accountability — and ultimately acceptance and support — for my “bad” parenting moments. I really think that is what social networks are for, not to hold you accountable, per se, but to hold you up.
And you’re going to really think we’re crazy, since we are having a roommate MOVE IN with us in one week! (I’ll write more later, in a post about this. An acquaintance and her almost-five-year-old daughter — and their cat — are going to live with us. So, yes, say goodbye to that precious privacy! Though I am hoping that the benefits of their company will be worth the minor inconveniences of sharing space. We’ll see!
A cohousing moment… a few days ago, I was feeling sick and not talkative and so I let the kids run in the courtyard to play with the other kids (with other adults nearby). I sat in front of my door, all unsocial with a book and my aches, while my kids got to do the social thing and run in the sun. The best of both worlds.
I couldn’t agree more Stacy. I’m so glad Jen pointed me your way. Props and support for parenting on the good and bad days. Goodness knows I have lots of days that make me cringe, but I can visualize parents in our group holding my hand, patting my shoulder and helping me up.
BTW, I love the tagline for your blog! Beautiful. So glad I found you.